Hi there wonderful friends!

I’ve been a little quiet here and I appreciate your patience with that. I’ve been cooking up lots of things in my little corner of the world that I’m excited to share at a later date.

For now, I wanted to pop in with something to hopefully help you navigate some of the difficult conversations you may be experiencing these days.

Check out these 5 tips for turning difficult conversations into constructive dialogue below and let me know what you think.

Also…

I want to extend the warmest holiday wishes possible to each and every one of you.

Thank you for allowing me to be on this path with you. Thank you to all my amazing clients for your trust in me, in the process of personal transformation…and most of all for developing the ability to trust in yourselves.

Because people like YOU show up in the world, willing to understand the impact of your voice and communication choices, the world is genuinely a better place.

It can be hard to remember this when the media is full of unending negativity and life is ceaselessly full of things to stress about. 

But I see it every day—in each of you.

Thank you for showing up and doing the hard work of being the best kind of humans. I literally love each and every one of you so much. You have no idea. <3

Happy Thanksgiving,

Sam

(PS: Don’t forget to use your learning and development reimbursement/stipend benefit before the end of the year! Not sure if your company offers one? Reach out to me and I’ll help you find out. )

5 Tips for Turning Difficult Conversations into Constructive Dialogue

Conflict can be constructive—and not every disagreement has to turn into a conflict.

The world is a complex place. Humans are complex beings.

This has always been the case. It always will be.

Yet, when we give in to the fear-mongering and urgency that politicians and the media stir up every day, we give away our power.

I’m not implying that there aren’t real things to fear right now, nor am I suggesting we should stop taking swift action toward the changes we seek.

Rather, I want to highlight that it’s easy to forget how every moment of every day is shaped by the choices we make in how we each show up.

For instance, when we are not fully conscious of how our beliefs, behaviors, needs, fears, and desires inform how we express ourselves—we risk alienating and marginalizing the people we disagree with. In doing so, we become culpable in our own disenfranchisement, disappointment, and disconnection.

To bring awareness to ourselves and our internal drivers also increases our ability to understand and empathize with what’s driving other people—and to communicate effectively with them. This is essential for finding the agreement and alignment necessary to co-create the complex solutions we need to address the complex challenges we’re all navigating together.

Disagreement and conflict can be powerful tools for powerful growth and deepening connection—when handled thoughtfully.

When we are willing to bring more awareness and skill to our conversations, we can move our disagreements further along the path toward resolution.

Here are five tips to help make your difficult conversations more constructive this holiday season and beyond:

1) Have a centering and grounding practice.

Mantra: I alone am responsible for caring for myself at all times.

Remaining centered and grounded is fundamental to conscious and constructive communication. This allows us to speak from our inner safety, dignity, and desire for belonging while helping us to identify those same qualities in others.

Examples might include:

• A pre-conversation grounding practice, such as taking three slow breaths before you ring the doorbell.

• Take breaks from the conversation when needed.

• Connect to resources that help you feel grounded, like eating a snack, getting fresh air, or receiving a hug from a loved one.

If you’re new to centering and grounding practices, feel free to book a no-cost call, and I’ll quickly show you some techniques.

2) Practice separating the stimulus for your feelings from your actual emotions.

Mantra: I alone am responsible for understanding and regulating my own emotions.

The practice of separating the stimulus for our feelings from our actual emotions allows us to move out of reactivity and into responsiveness. Instead of reacting impulsively to the stimulus, we can thoughtfully respond to what’s been said or done in a way that aligns with our beliefs and values. This also creates space between us and the other person, within which we can find empathy and engage in meaningful dialogue.

Examples of language shifts:

X – “You triggered me!”

✓ – “You said something I disagree with. I am triggered.”

X – “If you think this way, you are part of the problem!”

✓ – “I’m finding it difficult to connect with your point of view.”

3) Notice when you are trying to escape discomfort.

Mantra: I alone am responsible for how well I sit with the discomfort of complexity or disagreement.

Noticing when we seek quick, simple solutions to complex problems—just to relieve feelings of awkwardness, fear, shame, guilt, anger, or disappointment—can help us understand what we’re reacting to and why. This awareness empowers us to make more intentional choices in how we respond.

It’s okay to feel a little uncomfortable. It’s okay for others to feel a little uncomfortable, too. Get curious about how a little friction can be a powerful tool for growth and positive outcomes.

4) Practice active listening.

Mantra: I alone am responsible for how I receive, interpret, or integrate information.

When done well, listening creates understanding, promotes intimacy, helps us persuade and inspire, and even improves our health. That said, we each bring different lenses to our conversations: culture, language, values, attitudes, beliefs, assumptions, intentions, expectations, needs, wants, emotions—and so much more.

Ask yourself:

• Are you listening through a critical lens, already preparing your counterargument?

• Are you listening through a reductive lens, thinking you’re the sole arbiter of what’s correct or appropriate?

• Are you listening through the filter of wanting agreement, connection, and belonging?

• Are you listening through the filter of wanting to genuinely understand and empathize with the other person’s point of view?

Get curious about how your willingness to shift your filter could lead to a more constructive and intentional conversation.

5) Choose your battles carefully.

Mantra: I alone am responsible for choosing how I engage with others—and why.

For conflict to be generative, both parties need to want it to be. You don’t have to argue with someone who is determined to ignore everything you have to say, who responds to your ideas or empathy with derision, or who you don’t feel safe around.

Also, try not to stay only within your own echo chambers. Get curious about the ways in which you might—intentionally or unintentionally—be ignoring others, responding with derision, or otherwise behaving in ways that feel unsafe to them. To be a conscious communicator means sometimes eating a little humble pie and realizing that we, too, are humans full of complexity.

You got this. I gotchu.

As ever, if you need support book a 30-minute no-cost call. I’m happy to help you work through an issue and give you some tools to get back on track.