I’m the kind of person, like many, who tends to seek instant gratification. Actually, I take that back. I don’t seek instant gratification. Well, sometimes, but that’s more like for a piece of chocolate or a delicious ham sandwich.

What I’m talking about today is a little different…

I often find myself in situations where I seek an instant solution.

Frequently, this solution is needed in response to a complex situation or problem. A situation or problem that probably took a long time to get tangled up in the first place. Most likely, a situation I could have – and probably did, see coming from 57 miles away. And now it’s here and, well…shit.

I am exceptionally advanced at organically working my way through projects and experiences, moment by moment, reacting to things as they happen. A skill that also goes by the name of ‘winging it’. Huzzah! 🙌🏻

Being able to wing it is an absolute superpower, no doubt. My highly refined ability is a trait that I genuinely like about myself. I bring a lot of awareness and presence to everything I participate in and I can usually roll with whatever comes up.

Ahem…that said…

I do not excel at creating long-term plans – like, at all.

To be fair, I love the idea of planning. I appreciate the need for a plan. I’ve studied project management – So Much Planning. I’ve got 87 different personal planners. I understand how having a plan that also leaves room for pivots, puzzles, and problems that arise along the way can enhance one’s ability to be present and calmly react to the present moment…you know…wing it.

So then, why do I get so stuck?

Maybe it’s due to living in survival mode for many years and trying to make the best of whatever I could with the limited resources on hand.

Maybe it’s because I’m an Aquarius, a musician, a middle child, an entrepreneur, and Gen X. I refuse to conform! There are no rules! Ambiguity is life! Aliens are real! I won’t be boxed in!

The odds were stacked against me from the start. 👻

Whatever the reason, I tend to experience two main blocks in the area of long-term planning:

1. Difficulty dreaming and envisioning what a desirable future outcome could look like. I have a hard time wrapping my brain around what the options could even be, let alone which ones are the best, or how big or small my goals could be. This makes it difficult to decide what to even plan in the first place.

2. Difficulty committing to a plan that will require a long time to generate the intended outcome. It’s absolutely terrifying to think that something might take a long time to come into being. 1 year? 2 years? 10 years?! WHAT? NO. I am prone to fall into hopelessness and overwhelm when looking that far out because those years spent in survival mode continuously perpetuated the outcome of urgently needing a solution right now.

It’s also important to acknowledge other factors at play here:

1. Not being able to plan long-term doesn’t render me ineffective.

   I’m acutely process-driven. I have little systems, routines, outlines, and workflows for all of the ongoing tasks in my life and business. In general, I’m very organized and self-driven. I’m as proactive as I can be and I try to get in front of things as best I can. I’m not afraid to charge head-first into problems or challenges. I love the process of detangling a thorny issue or figuring out a new strategy or approach to solving it. I learn by doing and apply those learnings (including the failures) in future iterations. I know my weak spots and I continue to improve the kind of guardrails I build for myself while I’m learning a new skill, operating at my growth edge, or otherwise putting a new behavior into action.

2. A lot of what we experience in life is out of our hands.

   For sure, sometimes I’m a shitty planner. Other times, my best-laid plans are modified or impacted by things I have no control over, at the personal level such as an unexpected divorce, an employee quitting, a loved one getting sick, or a car accident, all the way up to a global pandemic, stock market fluctuations, wars, and shifting weather patterns. Extra patience and compassion are needed during those times when life throws some curveballs.

3. Sometimes the plan only reveals itself upon reflection.

   Despite my difficulty seeing the big picture ahead of me, I continuously take a lot of little steps and I end up covering a lot of ground. I follow my intuition and apply my learnings. I stay true to my integrity, values, and purpose to the best of my ability, and continue to check in with myself along the way.

   For someone like me who doesn’t always have a clear map of where they are going, it is incredibly important and useful to reflect back upon what I’ve done to see how the puzzle pieces form a cohesive whole picture. Things that don’t necessarily seem to connect at the time often come together in a perfect synergy upon reflection. Whether or not we know where we’re going, developing the practice of taking a broader view of past, present, and future allows us to use the information from the past to make more responsible, informed, and impactful decisions in the present moment, while also helping to slowly steer the ship in a more powerful and positive general direction going forward.

4. Like everything, it’s a balance.

   Some folks are exceptional at planning and following through but they are completely unable to cope when something doesn’t go the way they mapped it out. That causes its own set of problems. Every good plan has to leave room for unknowns. To be adaptable is to be successful.

A softer, yet still very serious commitment to myself.

Could I get angry with myself about all the impact I haven’t had because I was in a self-perpetuated cycle of overwhelm? Or all the plans I’ve never made – or made but couldn’t follow through on, because my generation spent their childhood summer days roaming the town with no adult supervision?

I mean, I could…but instead, I choose to love that me.

That me who kept herself going. That me who white-knuckled her way through some of the biggest challenges and toughest days and still showed up to do the best she could with what she had.

I love that me who, despite heartbreak and scarcity and burnout, still chose to show up every day and try again and again and again.

That me, who had no idea where she was going, but remained innately committed to her purpose and to fighting to put good out in the world. That me, who wanted to give up So Many Times. And almost did…but then didn’t.

Plans shmans.

The doing is in the being.

The impact is in the embodiment.

Be the thing you seek.

Let others find freedom in you being you.

That said, I do actually want to expand and evolve this year.

For me to do this, I require a multi-prong approach:

1. Gaining a better intellectual understanding of numbers, figures, budgets, dates, etc.

   I’m working on this with my bookkeeper/finance coach. It’s hard. And it’s scary. And it pokes a loooooot of old wounds. And it’s sloooooow. But I’m learning how to use the numbers as a tool for feeling safe and motivated, and that in and of itself is very exciting. To see the numbers, understand how to make meaningful projections, and use each dollar in the wisest, healthiest, and most useful ways makes me feel deliriously happy and oh-so-powerful. And sometimes I’m terrified and frustrated. But I’d rather cry and be on the right track, than cry and still be blocking my own path. ❤️

2. Adding new tools and practices to care for my mental and physical health.

   For now, instead of forcing myself to create some sort of big business plan and ultimately falling on my face in a puddle of overwhelm (again), I’ve decided to focus on all the things that support me in becoming an even fuller and healthier version of myself. To go deep and develop that version of me who can feel joyful and safe in creating a bold, long-term vision, and who has the tools and capacity to make it happen…whatever it is.

   This includes things like major changes to my diet and sleep routine, getting back to yoga and pilates, tracking how I feel and why, setting new boundaries around my work, connecting with my community, committing to working with a new coach, and lots and lots of journaling.

3. Getting honest – like reeeeally honest with myself about who I am and what I desire.

   Instead of sticking to an old story or version of myself, or someone else’s perceptions of who I am and what I should do, I’m allowing myself to get really real. I’m looking, in earnest, at what feels best for me, what would support me in this stage of my life, what contributions I want to make, and what it’s time to let go of.

   This requires a willingness to sit in all kinds of feelings from frustration and excitement to grief and relief. It takes courage and a willingness to be vulnerable and look around in the shadows.

I trust that as I take this approach, my specific goals, and my approach plan will start to form.

That said, if I notice that I’m still stuck as I do this work and progress through the year, I will ask someone for help.

Because a big part of aaaaall of this for me is remembering that I don’t have to do everything alone. That others care about me and the work I do and want to see me succeed and support me in that success.

And they feel that way about you, too.

A few thought prompts:

Here are some thought prompts that have been really helpful guides for me over the past few weeks as I surrendered all that was 2023 and began exploring possibilities for what my 2024 could be.

I hope you find them useful in understanding what goals and plans you’d like to explore, and how you might create a softer yet still very serious commitment to yourself this year.

• What am I noticing?

• What am I resisting and why?

• What does it mean to be myself?

• What is the right size for my work in my life? Where am I hiding behind my work? If my work took up less space in my life, what other elements of myself could exist?

• What is my legacy? How would I like to make my mark on the world regardless of whether I am able to enjoy the benefits?

• What is it I really want? What am I willing to do to be able to have that?

• Where am I trying to force something that’s not working and I need to take a step back and regroup vs. where am I walking away and avoiding holding myself accountable to the work because it just feels too hard?

• How do I want to feel about myself? What am I willing to commit to in order to attain that feeling?

• How can I take responsibility for my own progress?

Where does all of this land with you?

I would love to hear your thoughts and reflections.