This post was originally shared on Facebook on February 7, 2017.

There are so many ways in which yoga and singing and life overlap for me.  From the foundational components like posture and breathing, self-care and self-compassion…to the nuances of using your body and your breath to explore and understand a new sensation, open up to a new experience, know and trust yourself a little better, and, in the case of singing, to create sound in a freer and more sustainable way.

Yesterday kicked itself off with a bunch of Gloomy Monday I’m Not Good Enough Bullshit.  When I got to the studio and began to stretch and warm up, I felt really tight and angsty.  I didn’t want to breathe.  My upper body didn’t want to let go of it’s pity party.  Then I remembered a conversation I’d had last week with Robin Duryea, during which she had suggested that I explore Goddess Pose (Utkata Konasana).  For the last several months, I’ve been focusing more and more on the lower body’s role in singing anyway, so I thought ‘sure, fine, Goddess Pose, whatever’, heaved a sigh, then bent my knees and sank as deep as I could in my skinny jeans, in spite of myself.

I ran a couple of scales and they felt surprisingly open and fluid.  My upper body relaxed, my lower body was engaged in all the right ways.  My breath moved with little effort, and my placement was unexpectedly solid.  I decided to take a chance and try a song in Goddess pose, so I lowered the mic and started off with a fairly easy tune.  The singing felt great!  It was the perfect balance of effort and ease.

Then my quads started burning.  A lot.  So I started to move my hips around.  I started to straighten one leg at a time.  I moved my hips in big circles, front to back, tucked the tail, untucked the tail, and any which way that felt good while keeping my posture as upright as possible, and singing the song.  As I watched all of this in the mirror, I was pleasantly surprised by how much I liked the look of it all.  It was all very feminine, confident, calm and present.  It’s been a long time since I noticed or expressed my femininity in such a way…even in private.

Four of my five students yesterday were women.  We had the most amazing and honest conversations about the reasons that women shut down, avoid, or restrict emotional and/or physical access to the hip and pelvic area of our bodies – not only to other people, but to ourselves.  This list is endless.  From shame, to power struggles, to fear, to safety, to cramps, to infertility, to never really being fully informed by our elders, to hormones, to the injustice of having to bleed from your vagina every few weeks for breaking some sort of contract with nature that you never personally signed.

These are complicated times in our culture.  The more I learn about history, the more I realize that ALL times have been complicated, and usually more so for women.  Women bear the children (or we are shunned because we can’t or won’t).  We also bear the burden of history, we bear the deep cuts of the sharp edge of the male ego.  And perhaps most importantly, we bear the responsibility of remaining soft, and loving, and flexible, and open, in a world that continues to squeeze and harden us.  We bear the responsibility of being at peace with ourselves, of loving ourselves, of liking ourselves, of TRUSTING ourselves, in a world that continues to question our place, our worth, and our value.

Perhaps you are a woman or a man who has never had their worth or value or safety called into question, or are otherwise rolling your eyes at this ridiculous feminist post.  Then perhaps this message is not for you.  

Or, perhaps it is.

In any case, I just want to feel whole, and valued, and worthy.  And I want all the women and men around me to feel the same.  And then maybe, just maybe, this whole Democracy, Civilization and Humanity thing can work.

In the meantime, you can find me in my studio exploring hip & pelvic openers while singing along with Patty Griffin.