Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot – like a lot – about the idea of conscious communication. It’s always been the undercurrent of my work, but lately, I’ve been trying to define it more clearly and bring it to the foreground.

So…here’s today’s attempt. Let me know what you think.

We are all caught up in things outside of ourselves. Not to speak too much in platitudes or broad strokes, but the systems we live in are designed to keep us in an unconscious state of running around, reacting, overreacting, distracting, dividing, numbing, and generally feeling too burnt out or overwhelmed to make any significant changes.

Yay! 🙄

Sometime around 5 or 6 years ago, I rewatched the initial Matrix trilogy and I felt an absolute explosion go off in my brain when the little boy said to Neo, ‘There is no spoon.’

At the risk of sounding completely cuckoo bird crazy, I’ll share that there have been a few moments in my life during which I felt an actual rip in the air as my perspective shifted – as if the fabric of time and space was literally torn apart and an opening was created for a new me to emerge. This was one of those times.

The lightning strikes when it strikes. I don’t know what else to say. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Anyway, I didn’t care about being able to bend spoons, but I did (suddenly and feverishly) – and do (ongoingly and feverishly) – care about understanding what I’m programmed to believe is true and why, divesting from unbalanced relationships and situations, and stepping into the fullness of my light and my agency.

So…I decided that I wanted to challenge my own reality a bit more.

90’s sci-fi and Keanu Reaves aside, I believe there is an opportunity for humans to rework our relationships with the entities and behaviors that drain us and extract from us, and instead live in alignment with all that seeks to nourish and support us.

👉 Bringing awareness to how we interact with ourselves and each other, is a key part of this.

Before I go any further, let me put a little structure around the concept of conscious communication.

I like this definition of the word conscious from Merriam-Webster:

“Capable of or marked by thought, will, design, or perception.”

And this definition of communication from the same source:

“A process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior”

Conscious communication, ergo, means that we can choose how our thoughts, will, design, or perception inform the way we exchange information with others.

This means that not only can we choose how we share information from our end, but it also means we can choose how we receive information from others.

The implications of this are massive.

Once you realize that you can bring the full force of your personal agency to your interactions with others, you completely reset where the power and influence reside in the idea exchange.

You realize that you, too, are a participant.

That you, too, can have a say in how things unfold. No longer are you powerless to react as things are done to you – you are now a co-creator in the experience.

Once you realize that you are a full contributor in your own life, it feels like waking up on a warm summer morning and stretching your arms out wide as your face tilts up to the sun. It feels safe and calm and peaceful.

And then it hits you…it’s also a metric fuck-ton of responsibility.

And that’s where the work comes in.

Yay! 🤩

For me, being an effective, conscious communicator and full participant in my own life is a constant choice…a lifestyle, if you will.

It’s not just something to practice once in a while when you have to give a presentation at work or ask your boss for a raise.

It’s something to be cultivated. A muscle to build and sculpt over time. It takes commitment, diligence, and discipline. It takes grace and compassion and room for mistakes and learning.

Here are three ways I practice every day:

1. Developing my self-awareness, releasing old beliefs and behaviors that no longer serve me or the people around me, and replacing them with ones that do.
2. Operating in all I do with as much intention and integrity as I can, choosing my words and actions carefully, and trusting my inner wisdom and intuition guide my way.
3. Showing up in the fullness of presence and nonjudgement in every way I can in every situation I am in.

Is it a lot of work? Yeah…but just like with any practice, consistency brings stamina and ease and many of these processes become automatic.

And the rewards faaaar outweigh the effort, as I create more positive and aligned outcomes for myself and those around me.

Am I perfect? No. Do I make mistakes? All the time. Do I regress? Ooooh yeah, baby.

For me, the key to it all is choosing to continue to try. To continue to remain curious about what could be, rather than blindly going along with what just is.

To challenge expectations and rules and roles – for yourself and others.

To try to be gentle while you hold yourself to the high standard of being one who leaves everything you touch just a little bit better than you found it.

Anyway, that’s my take on things for today. Did I lose you at Spoon Boy or are you still here? 🙃

I’d love to hear your take on things. What resonated with you? What are your practices for being more intentional, impactful and conscious in your communication?

In what ways is your communication evolving? In what ways do you feel kind of stuck or left behind?